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Writer's pictureDiane Lipinski

Red Flags to Look Out for When Starting to Date.





When starting to date again, being vigilant and aware of potential red flags is crucial.


  1. Lack of Transparency: If they are secretive about their life, avoid telling you details about their past, and frequently hide their phone or messages, this is a red flag of dishonesty.

  2. Inconsistent Behavior: Unpredictable and irregular changes in someone's behavior can be a form of emotional abuse. Sudden changes in their mood and behavior without reasonable explanation can show instability or hidden issues.

  3. Avoidance of Commitment: If they are unable to or reluctant to define the relationship or make long-term plans, they may be telling you they are not serious about a long-term relationship. This can also show up in them being less accommodating, forgiving, or independent and preferring relationships with minimal intimacy. They may not be able to consider a partner when making future plans. They also may feel uneasy or unable to be vulnerable when thinking about commitment.

  4. Disrespectful or Dismissive Attitude: It shows a lack of respect if they belittle your feelings or experiences or disrespect your concerns. This can show a lack of interest, attention, or respect and may involve ignoring, interrupting, or demeaning Behavior. Dismissive individuals may come across as aloof, impatient, or arrogant and have difficulty connecting with others on a deeper level.

  5. Frequent Excuses: This behavior can indicate a pattern of dishonesty that may escalate over time. It can manifest as avoiding accountability for their actions and rationalizing their behavior.

  6. Jealousy and Possessiveness: Excessive jealousy or possessiveness can lead to and be a sign of controlling behavior. It is often a sign of insecurity and lack of trust. People with excessive jealousy frequently harbor feelings of inadequacy. At its core, jealousy is a byproduct of fear, fear of not being enough.

  7. Quick to anger: If they get angry quickly, overreact to minor issues, or have difficulty managing their temper, it may indicate deeper emotional problems. It can also give them a false sense of control.

  8. Isolation Tactics: If they keep you isolated from your friends and family, this can be a sign of controlling behavior, designed to make your circle small and more dependent on them. This can be one of the earliest signs of emotional and or physical abuse. This tactic is highly effective, subtle, and challenging to detect.

  9. Past Relationship Patterns: Pay attention to how they speak of their exes or blame others for past failures. This may indicate a lack of self-awareness and accountability. It also shows that they have not worked through the issues of that relationship, and it is a warning sign that they have not done the work to put that relationship in the past.

  10. Inconsistent Values: Inconsistency and contradictions between a person's words and actual actions can indicate a lack of integrity. Anyone can behave a certain way for a short amount of time, but it's not sustainable if not genuine.

  11. Overly Judgmental: They constantly try to change you in how you dress, who you hang out with, how you talk, and how you spend your time, and they don't appreciate you for who you are. This can indicate low self-esteem, insecurities, or trauma.

  12. Pressuring for Intimacy: If they pressure you to do anything before you're ready, it shows a lack of respect for your boundaries.

  13. Excessive Need for Validation: If they need excessive validation, it may indicate insecurities and potential dependency issues.


Recognizing these red flags early on can help you avoid an unhealthy relationship and be able to find a partner who respects and values you. Trust your instincts and take your time to understand a potential partner's behavior and intentions.



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